Monday, August 31, 2009

First Day of Classes

Yup, today is the first day back to classes at SUNY Brockport. And, no, I will not be attending any of them. It is a little painful to imagine all my friends heading off to get syllabi and see each other around campus...with out me. I miss my glory days already. But maybe it's because we so less often hear about what happens after college. I know I've had many, many friends graduate too, but I don't honestly know what any of them are doing right now. Who went to grad school? What kind of jobs do they have? Where did they move to after Brockport? I would like to know.

Even though I am sad that I am not going back to Brockport this year, I can remember some of the reasons why I decided to graduate early. I miss my friends terribly, and certain aspects of the collegiate lifestyle, but I don't/won't miss: drunk college boys (assholes), early classes, late classes, exams, monster puddles, research papers, dorm rooms...the list goes on. So, the first day of classes is bittersweet.

Forever forward.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

In The Middle of the Night...

...I go walking in my sleep. OK, I don't actually sleepwalk, but I am 'searching for something' and it does keep me up at night.

I NEED A JOB!

Also, I know I JUST finished my degree requirements when I got home from Russia, but I am already going back to school. Crazy, right? Unfortunately, no, I am not going back to Brockport. I'm done with the live-on-campus, mess around, make pizzas college life. I need a semi-serious, looks OK on a resume kind of job, possibly part time so that I can take one or two classes and look for a CAREER. Anyone whose ever known me and dealt with one of my panick attacks (Jim, Kerri, Jimmy G...) knows that I am semi-psychotic when it comes to the word career. I have never, I mean NEVER known what I wanted to be "when I grow up". Never when I was a child did I have one of those "I want to be a (fire-figher, doctor, lawyer, etc.)" moments. I purposely picked a vague major with no specific direction. Needless to say I still have no idea what I want to do, where I want to work, what kind of job I want. NO IDEA. It's so frusterating to not know what you want to be, what you are working towards. Where is my dream? My mom said to me the other night "No job is beneath you right now; you don't need to hold out for your dream job" and I was just like "How can I hold out for my dream job when I don't know what it is?"

So, I'm 21 years old, I just finished college, and I'm living at my parent's house, taking classes at the local community college and looking for some sort of gas-money job. Awesome. Glad to see I made some progress here. Kicking myself in the butt for wasting all my time at Brockport.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Where is my motivation?

I seem to be having a very hard time finding the motivation to do the things I need to do now that I am home. Letters to send, calls to make, people to see, things to do. I guess what I need to do is stop moping about Russia. I can't go back anytime soon, I can't see Lena, Sergei, Masha, etc. anytime soon, I can't let being sad about my life in Russia make me mess up my life in the States. In fact, it will be easier to get back to Russia if I get a job and start bringing home some bacon. And if Sergei or Masha or Lena can come to America and visit, I'd really like to have an apartment where they can stay with me (although I'd definitely bring them home to my parents' house because it's awesome). So getting my American life on track will help my Russian life. Maybe that's my motivation right there...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Stateside

I am back in the United States. It feels very surreal to be here, back in my house and everything. It's nice to see my family though. I really missed my little sister especially. I also already have plans to see some of my friends tonight and maybe my brother and some other friends on Friday, so I know that will make me a little less sad about being home. I really miss Russia and my wonderful family and friends there. I'm already trying to figure out how and when I can get back there. I feel like Novgorod really became my home and that I left a part of myself there.

Now that I am back in America I really need to get my life on track. I need to find a job, I need to find an apartment and move out of my parent's house. I need to start my life.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Blog Created...

First post, obvi. Creating a new blog because the old one is all about my trip to Russia, which is, unfortunately, about to come to an end. I started blogging to record my amazing experience in Russia, but I will try not to talk about that too much here :-) I wanted to keep blogging so this blog will follow me on my adventures when I get back to the States.